In an era where dating complaints abound, I would like to propose the antithesis of the hopeless romantic archetype, which I call the “pragmatic romantic.” Pragmatic romanticism is grounded in reality and respects the sanctity of commitment but also appreciates the beauty of human connection.
While the hopeless romantic might idealize love, the pragmatic romantic doesn’t participate in the web of delusions sold by Hallmark greeting cards and Hollywood rom-coms. The hopeless romantic indulges in sweet nothings, but the pragmatic romantic focuses on being a person of their word.
The pragmatic romantic knows that anyone can make vows but few will follow through to help you weather the storm. The pragmatic romantic acknowledges that illness doesn’t keep regular hours and sometimes requires that you drop everything to look after a loved one. In The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene writes:
What will seduce a person is the effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much they are worth. Leaving things to chance is a recipe for disaster, and reveals that we do not take love very seriously.
The pragmatic romantic prioritizes emotional stability over spontaneity. While the hopeless romantic is a spark chaser, the pragmatic romantic is a slow burner. If you identify with this way of thinking, keeping the following in mind may be helpful:
Don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility
Practice effective communication
Allow conflict to strengthen your relationship
Evaluate the partnership, not the person
Educate each other about your expectations
Embrace change as an opportunity for growth
Make sure your actions and words are aligned
Leverage the benefits of vulnerability
Remember that love is a conscious choice
Enjoy the simple pleasures together
Strive to be patient and kind
Adopt a growth mindset; be descriptivist
I elaborate on each of these principles in a short ebook, available here as a free download. As always, if you have any questions, comments, or just want to say hello — my inbox is always open! Wishing you health and happiness! 🌱